Sarah's Journal - 8

A/N – Remember the link for the meaning of flowers? Here it is again. Just because. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Language…;

Aware of the fact of the occurrence of the End of School dance, and knowing that Sarah's friends knew that it was happening, Jareth made it a point of being not visibly around the Castle Beyond the Goblin City from Friday the 15th through Monday the 18th. Just because he enjoyed letting Hoggle worry.

Sunday, June 17th
I'm sooooo glad that I listened to Karen, and got the shorter heels instead of the really tall ones (that looked great!!). My feet aren't really sore today. I mean, a little bit, yeah, but not like Martine's. This afternoon, the girls all gathered at my park, and I was the only one not hobbling at all. Martine could barely walk, and all the others were in between.

PLUS – School's done! Friday was the last day, with the dance on Saturday. I heard parents grumble about how, if stuff goes wrong at the dance, what kind of consequences can there be, but nothing bad happened that I saw. Whatever. They'll probably have to figure it out at some point.

And this evening, David's coming over to hang out with me with my family. I told him that it's casual. I'm going to do NO MAKEUP, and my hair in a ponytail or a messy braid, a bum around (but clean and no holes) t-shirt, and probably jeans. We're going to play board games, I guess. I hope it's good.

One thing. David told me yesterday that he's going to have to leave. And soon. At least he got to stay long enough for the dance.

~

Monday, June 18th
David stayed later than I thought he would, later than I thought that Dad & Karen would let him. And I suspect that Dad (and Karen) had that TALK with David when I took Toby upstairs to get him ready for bed. I mean, they all tried to look as though they weren't uncomfortable when I came back downstairs. Karen also tried to look apologetic, as she could hear Toby being a little fussy. She even tried to say sorry, but I really didn't mind. Toby just wanted to cuddle a bit more, and I ended up singing a little to him.

Well, humming, because I didn't use the words. I couldn't really remember the words, but it's the soothing melody from the music box dancer Mom gave me.

Anyway, we played Parcheesi, and lots of card games. David suggested Risk and Monopoly, but Karen vetoed, as Dad's HIGHLY competitive and those games last ALL LIGHT LONG. And then, I walked David out, and we chatted for a minute (or five) on the front porch.

And we walked a little so that we weren't in direct line of any of the windows, and we kissed. Ahhhhhhh… it was a longer kiss, and this time I know that I kissed him back.

But he's leaving. And who knows when / if he'll be back again. Don't borrow trouble, Sarah, Karen always says. What was I thinking?! That I like David. I really really like him, so much more than I thought I could like any boy.

So I've spent today moping. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm kind of glad that I've had to clean my room today, because it meant that I could avoid my family, and stay alone, and try to think this through. He has to leave right after my birthday, because it's time for him to go back home again. So… I have maybe a week.

I'm not even 16 yet; like I could really have fallen for real?! Could I have? I'd kind of like to ask someone about it, but then I'd have to explain, and I don't want to explain, because then whoever I'd asked would KNOW. And if… if… then someone would know how much it hurt.

But maybe it would be worth it, if I could get some good advice. Guess it's time to see how Karen and I are really doing. I'll try tomorrow morning, after Dad's gone to work, and Toby's down for his nap.

Good thing it was Ludo that I talked to today; I could tell him that I was tired because of playing games with my family, and he accepted that answer.

~

Tuesday, June 19th
Karen and I went for a walk this morning, with Toby in the stroller. I almost didn't even bring it up, but somehow knew that I HAD TO. (sheesh – I feel as though I'm wallowing in drama. I'm looking forward to my girls-only birthday afternoon on Saturday.)

Anyway, the long and the short of it (such a crazy but useful phrase) is that it's a question of if I'm willing to take a risk and the responsibility for being hurt. Sure, I could try to protect myself, and there's no point in me being stupid, but sometimes you just have to take that jump. Even if you think you can't see the bottom.

I decided not to tell Karen that I've survived one blind jump already, because I don't think she'd understand.

At the park, Toby walked a little with me, and pointed and laughed at lots of things. Mostly things that were just there, like a tree and the water. But we both got a laugh when we spotted that same goblin with the glittery washcloth hat, peeking out at us around a bush. I was glad that Karen didn't seem to notice, because I still wouldn't like to try to explain that.

I'm glad that David and I had an ice-cream date this afternoon. It was fun, and sweet how he tried to hold my hand, even though I couldn't let him because I didn't want to drop my ice cream. Hope he saw that it was only that I was trying not to be messy as the reason that I didn't keep holding.

He probably did, since I held his hand when we left, and to his car.

When he picked me up, he had a flower waiting for me in his car, a forget-me-not. I recognized it from before. So when we got back to my house to drop me off, I nodded at the flower, and said "never. I'll never forget you." He blushed a little, and was still a little flustered when he came around to walk me up.

And kissed me at the bottom of the front steps. And he had his hands on my shoulders this time, instead of nowhere. Not that his hands were ever NOWHERE, but I don't know where they were before because they weren't near me.

I SERIOUSLY have to remember to lock this diary EVERY SINGLE DAY; Karen would actually understand, but she probably wouldn't be able to resist telling Dad. And Dad would probably flip out.